Guide Dear Mom: Remembering, Celebrating, Healing

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  1. Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss - Mayo Clinic
  2. 2. I won't let the tears mar the smiles that you've given me.
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Hope it helps heal your loneness as you remember our good friend , Neighbor and Busy Neighbor Anita. Sitting in an old Norwegian church on the prairie where I grew up, I welcomed the comfort offered by the old, curved, wooden pews, the wooden floors and stained glass. I was soothed by the old hymns played on the piano, and calmed by the painting of Christ and the beautiful flowers at the altar. I sang only the first few words of the opening hymn when pain replaced comfort.

Tears would not stop, despite my silent refrain: Its not your mother, its not your mother. Another mother becomes mine when I hear granddaughters share how much they will miss the one who made them want to work hard on the farm, who made them want to wash the dishes and paint the screens.

Grief: Coping with reminders after a loss - Mayo Clinic

The stories and the hymn were trigger momentsunexpected reminders of loss that hit like a brick, reminding your heart that you still miss your mom, despite the years and the healing. Our busy lives make triggers worse. Caught in the weekend blizzard in Madison, WI, I had negotiated my way home in time to get to the funeral. The last few days were a blur, and to get organized, I wrote my To Do list at home after the funeral. This morning, I found myself in a funk, not liking the list, not liking life.

Thats when it hit me: in the rush of the last few days, I had been unaware of the date. Today is December 5, the anniversary of my mothers death. Another brick, this one reminding me what I miss most about Mom. I miss Moms smile, her sense of humor and her wonderful laugh.

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I miss seeing her hands cut green beans and make the perfect pie crust. I miss her annual gifts of Christmas tree ornaments crafted from red, green and white yarn. But today, what I miss most is dialing and hearing her voice. Last night my daughter called, distressed, and we talked for a long time. Its a great honor to have your childnow a young married womanneed to hear your voice, to want to be guided by wisdom she now values, counts on and appreciates. But its a double-edged sword: we have become that person for our daughters while we miss the mom we went to for the same guidance.

2. I won't let the tears mar the smiles that you've given me.

The reality of becoming our mom in her absence can also cause tears on a day like this. Mama said thered be days like this, and she was right. The best prescription is self-love. Im ignoring my list, and instead, Im taking time to have a cup of coffee and tell Mom about the upcoming holiday plans with my family, much as I did in the first letter that became Dear Mom: Remembering, Celebrating, Healing.

Ill tell her how both of my daughters, one son-in-law, two grandkids and two six-month old golden retriever puppies will arrive December 22 for an extended stay. I think Ill hear her laugh once again, and thats going to make this a very special day. Wishing you a wonderful journey of becoming your mother. Dee Dee Sign up free e-newsletter! Joan E. Neilan wrote on Dec. Anita was one of a kind. A very special lady with such a big heart. They are lovely, and yes, a real gift. My thoughts are with you this season.

We have never met, but after reading your words for 4 years, I feel like I have hugged you in person. Love your transparency and how you willingly share of your life.

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Thank you, Chris. And thanks for the virtual hug. Sending a hug from afar. Thank you for sharing your lives with us so well. Our Ethiopian daughter has been home almost 8 years now and I started reading your blog while we waited and continued as we struggled. And then you lost your precious daughter, as I was losing my sweet daddy, and your grieving words touched me as well.

Your words of strength and sadness, joy and hope have been such an encouragement to me and for that I continue to be grateful. You are in my heart and prayers, dear sister. We love you so much and we love and miss Kalkidan with you. I wish Matthew could have met her- I know she would have been great with him.

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We love you guys and are praying for you and remembering her today and always. Love you friend. The day i did you were on your way to Montana with Kalkidan. Prayers and love sent your way. Know that I will always pray for you and your family during this time. Thank you for sharing, your writings bless my heart in many ways. You have a beautiful family here on earth and also in Heaven.

I look forward to one day meeting Kalkidan in Heaven and giving her a big hug!

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Yes it is hard to believe three years have passed; how profound it is that it takes three years for enough healing to objectively reflect on being a mother who has lost a child to death. Grief really is a long valley through which we journey, with a varying landscape but deep chasms cut by what is moving within us. I love your metaphor of the family table, it resonates because I have been wishing for a bigger table, that can gather more people.

But getting a new one or refinishing our existing one would hide all those painting projects, pet scratches, forgot to use a cutting board incidents, and rings where we had hot chocolate. Objects are more beautiful with weathering and use, just like us! Thinking of you and your family as you remember your beautiful Kalkidan. Everyone keeps asking me what I want to do and I feel selfish and childish but I just want to hide under my duvet and cry. My birthday is also October 6.

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This is my first birthday without my mother. I feel a huge whole inside. Time will never heal this. I feel likewise. My Birthday is coming the day after tomorrow. Ever since she passed on I found out things I over looked when she was living.

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However, one thing that consoles me is that I believe where she has gone she, she looks at me with her loving eye and rejoice with me. My birthday now is indeed the day I think and miss my mom more than any. I found this site because today is my birthday just 15 minutes to the time I was born and my mom passed away 2 months ago.

I have been sad all day, yet I know in my heart my mom would not want it that way. Love her so much. She always called me on my birthday to sing happy birthday to me before her Alzheimers.

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I miss that. I close my eyes and can hear her singing. Hello Grief provides information and resources about grief in order to break through the current culture of avoidance that surrounds death and loss. Instead, Hello Grief addresses bereavement head-on for those who are helping others cope, as well as those who need support on their own personal journey with grief. In a world that doesn't get it , we do. Photo Credit. Alicia said on October 28, at am Lola said on December 12, at pm Les said on January 19, at pm Anonymous said on February 10, at am Helene Domi said on December 3, at pm Shana said on December 3, at pm Thomas said on June 5, at am Rebecca said on July 31, at pm Melissa said on September 10, at am Karen said on June 28, at am Tonya said on September 29, at am